Requesting Critiquing.

So, I wrote a short story called "The Unhappy Bush" a couple of weeks ago. People have told me they liked it, but I would like some critiquing from you guys:)
That, and I figured that it wouldn't hurt to post for once! I haven't been on here other than to read all of your stories because it's been a while since I've worked on any of my other story additions. *sad face*
I hope that this blog can start back up after a while, if you all aren't too busy! I miss you guys lately and all of your wonderful ideas:)

Maddie

(And finally the story.)

The Unhappy Bush

There once was an unhappy bush, a little brown and thorny bush, resting in a sleepy garden, subdued by the falling snow. Two people came walking around and looked at the bush.

“That’s an ugly little bush.” Said the first person,

“It’s very ugly.” Agreed the second person and they both went on their way. The little brown bush heard this and started to weep. The wind heard the bush crying and blew over to it.

“Why do you cry, little bush?” the wind asked, rustling its little brown leaves gently.

“The people said I was ugly and it hurt my feelings because I know it’s true. I’m little and brown and ugly.” The little bush sobbed.

“You are not ugly, just young and cold. Just be patient and you will grow taller and you’re cold leaves with turn green. When this happens, I will come back and dance.” The wind said in a comforting voice and then blew away.

The little bush was thankful to the wind for being so nice and he believed what the wind said, so the bush waited.

The snow stopped falling and melted away; Spring was here! And just like the wind had said, the little brown bush grew taller and greener. And the wind came back and danced in the tall green bushes leaves.

The bush was happy and smiled all day and even at night while it slept.

One day, a child was playing by the garden when he noticed the beautiful green, tall bush.

“May I take a branch of your green leaves, beautiful bush?” Asked the child.

The bush was so happy at being called beautiful, that it told the child to take its most beautiful, green branch; the branch that held its biggest, prettiest leaves. But when the child grasped the branch, he cried out in pain. When the child pulled his hand away, a big drop of red blood slid down his hand.

“You tricked me!” The child cried, “Your branches are covered with thorns!” And the child ran away, holding his hand and tears falling down his face.

The grass outside the garden despised the bush.

“You tricked the child and poked him!” “What good are you if all you have are thorns?” “Nobody will like you know.”

And the bush began to weep again. “Now my beautiful leaves no longer matter because of my thorns.” it mourned.

Now the sun heard the bush weeping and he sent down warm, comforting rays of light.

“Do not cry, green bush. You didn’t mean to hurt the child.” He said.

“But I did hurt him and now no one loves me. I only wanted to share my leaves because he was so kind to call me beautiful.” The bush lamented.

“The child didn’t know about the thorns and in your moment of happiness you forgot to warn him. It was an accident.” He consoled the bush. “Go now and explain what happened. It wasn’t right of the grass to blame you.”

So the green bush did and the grass listened to it then apologized for accusing the bush of hurting the child.

As spring wore on, the flowers in the garden grew their petals. They flaunted their colors and celebrated. The tall green bush celebrated with them.

The green bush smiled and sang and the wind sent its beautiful leaves dancing.

But then a flower asked, “Where are your petals, bush? The spring is almost done.” And all the other flowers heard the question and they all asked the bush the same question.

“I don’t know!” The bush exclaimed. “I thought I was just a bush.”

And the sun was hidden by grey rain clouds.

The flowers left the bush and went to play. So the bush looked up at the clouds and grew sad. Then the rain started to fall and the bush grew sadder.

“Don’t be sad, green bush, sleep.” The rain whispered. “Tomorrow you will be even more beautiful.”

So the bush slept and the next day when it woke up, it was surrounded by smiling and surprised faces.

“What’s the matter?” The bush asked.

“You have flowers!” the rest of the garden squealed with delight. “You are a rose bush!”

And the wind came and danced and danced and wafted the sweet fragrance of the bush’s roses for all to smell. The beautiful rosebush outlasted the other flowers. The two people came back and said the bush was beautiful. The child came back and all was forgiven when he found the red flowers peeping out of the green leaves.

And the tall, beautiful, green rosebush – which used to be little, ugly and brown, lived happily ever after.

Long Time No Hear \\ Combining Story Ideas

Hey, guys! :)

Wow, thanks to the rest of the authors for keeping this blog up and running. =P I haven't done a post on here in forever.... anyway, today I thought I would post about something that's really been helpful to me as a writer... combining story ideas.

Sometimes we come up with some really great ideas, right? But sometimes it's kind of only half-ideas or half-stories. For example: we come up with the greatest character ever; we know what they look like, how they act, etc. And they're the awesome. The problem? What on earth should their story be? It annoys us to pieces.

Then we get another inkling of an idea. A small part of a plot that would be deliciously good. We jot it down, hoping to find out more to that story, but still not sure yet.

We come up with a bigger plot; we know where the book should go, what's going to happen.

These are three great examples of ideas that could be combined. (Note: they shouldn't be combined if they don't go together right. Example: your character is like a medieval-age character, and your plot would be modern.)

And now suddenly we have this amazing idea that excites us so much that we jump up and run to the computer and start writing.

So don't give up on "half-ideas" and "half-stories"; maybe they're just waiting for their other half. :) Keep a sharp lookout on story ideas that could be paired together to make something amazing....

Smile brightly,
Anna

Archer: Part 3 - Elendor

Hey!  I'm back with the nest part!

Elendor

“Your Highness?” 

I started.  I realized I had been dozing.  I sat up strait and shook my head.

“Yes, Sir Lionel?”  I asked, brushing hair off my forehead.

“Nothing your highness, I was just going to say you should get some sleep.  You haven’t had a full nights rest in who knows how long.”  Answered the kindly old gentle-knight with a chuckle.

I grinned sleepily.  “Thank you sir.  I might take your advice.”

“You are working hard for you kingdom.  Your father would be proud.”  He smiled. 

I smiled back.  I glanced around the stone chamber and at the large oak table.  I realized how tired I was.

“Very well,” I said, standing up.  “I will bid you goodnight.” 

Sir Lionel stood also and took hold of my arm.  “I wish your father could have seen the wonderful King you have become.” He said gruffly, bowing low.

“You have saved my life from my earliest days, Sir Lionel.  You do not have to bow to me.  If not for you, I would be dead long since. It is I who should bow to you.”  I pulled him up till he stood strait then kneeled before him.

“No sir!  You are my king!  I owe you every allegiance.”  He cried in surprise. “Please, stand!”

I looked up into his imploring face.  I stood them gave him a hug.  “If I could have another father,” I whispered, “It would be you.”

I walked out onto the balcony outside my room.  I stared restlessly out at the Keittian Ocean. 

My thoughts flickered to my earliest memories of a tall man and a beautiful woman smiling down at me, the woman holding my tiny baby sister, and at my sisters 1^st birthday, the smiling faces gathered around us.

There are many faces I recognize, the most vibrant images where of cousin Gordon and Sir Lionel.  He stowed us aboard a ship headed to Keitt.  He was there to help us and comfort us.  He was one of the many people who taught us.

I smiled at a memory of Sir Lionel teaching us how to sword fight.  It was cloudy that day.  We had started practice out in the range and was soon pouring rain.  We ended up in a mud ball fight.  We were all caked in mud.  I’m afraid that it was sir Lionel who had the worst of it.  The mud dried very quickly to his hair and beard once we were inside.  He had to wash his hair more than once to get the grit out.

I walked back into my room, over to the wash basin.  I looked at my reflection in the water.  I stared, the water seemed to shimmer, and then I saw Gordon ridding through a field in Gwindola. 

He was smiling, enjoying his freedom.

Just as Gordon was gifted with tracking and knowing, I was gifted with wisdom and oversight.  I can see people even if we are separated.  I don’t need a mirror or a pool of water to see clearly, unlike those who work with evil.

I closed my eyes and took a deep breath.  The image of Gordon flickered then faded away.  I rubbed my eyes.  Opening them, I thought of the meeting between Gordon and my sister. 

I wish I could be there.  I wish I could have gone and told her myself.

I hope you liked it!

Maddie

The first chapter of a new series

Chapter One

I knew there was a dragon here. I could smell him. You can always tell when it's a dragon, because they smell like rotten eggs and... well... dog #2. (If you don't know what that is, please don't ask me to explain.)

I ran across the courtyard and launched myself over the wall, landing stealthily like a cat on all fours before taking off running across the cobbles and rushing up the stairs to the outer wall. I was glad that Gideon wasn't here, because otherwise he'd be telling me how stupid I looked.

I heard guards rushing through the castles, looking for "the invisible intruder!" that that fat old lady who called herself Lady Ulmidady had called me--right after I'd stolen her collection of dragon eggs, of course.

Which was why I was getting nervous about the dragon smell. There shouldn't be a smell!! I only had eggs! Right? I glanced down at my leather pouch. It looked like oozing egg mush on the bottom outside of it. I groaned. Great. I probably had a baby dragon inside of my pouch that was probably going to burst me into flame any second.

I jumped off the wall and landed without a sound in the water of the moat. I let myself sink to the bottom, staying still so that the creatures in the water wouldn't be disturbed. My feet touched the ground, and I started to move through the water towards what looked like a dark hole. What was it really?

It was a portal, of course.

Something squeaked, and I looked up.

My eyes grew wide in horror.

A baby dragon was swimming towards the surface!

Would You Rather: Pirates or Bad Dreams: by Willow

Bonjour!
 Willow is logging back on again! {I'm sorry it took me so long, but I'm still here}
 I'm wondering if you want me to continue my A Pirate's Life for Me series {read the P.S. at the bottom of this post}, or give you a preview of my new story blog's stories, with a story from The Labyrinth series called Bad Dreams? It contains many of the same characters form A Pirate's Life, but in a different setting, and 2 years younger, minus the pirates {pirates eventually come back in The Curse of North, another pirate story in progress}.
 Anyhow, here's a preview of Bad Dreams;



"Hehheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh.... Remember, there can only be two, and..."

 Willow stared dramatically into the distance-well, over near that clock there-and held her gaze steady. Several seconds past.
 "And...?" D asked impatiently. "And what?" She tucked a lock of short dark hair behind an ear impatiently.
 "And...," she shrugged, "That was it." Three pairs of eyes, four grey, two brown, bulged at her.
 "That's it? That ended it?" Darren leaned forward with interest.
 "Sorry, but yeah. That's it."
 Warren fiddled with his fingers while D chewed a nail, and Darren drummed his fingers on the table.
 "So this was only one part, right?" D asked finally.
 "I think so." Willow shrugged. "I dunno."
 "Sooo.... you think that there might be more?" Warren wondered aloud.
 "Maybe."
 "There could be more then. Something significant." D started on the next nail.
 "I suppose."
 "What do you mean, 'you suppose'?"
 "I suppose. I meant what I said." Willow shrugged again.
 "This is important, you know. This could be the end of the world for all we know. It could be anything."
 "Uh huh. Like the end of the world is announced by 'Heheheheheheh, there can only be two, and....'?"
 "Shush up, Darren!" D narrowed her eyes at him.
 "Guys, don't fight." Willow sighed. This was why she didn't bring her dreams up a lot.
 "Willow's right, we're not gonna get anywhere with fighting." Warren interrupted.
 "Oh, so now you're just mister peace and love now, aren't you?" D folded her arms.
 "Guys." Willow held up a hand. "Please. Stop fighting. And you wonder why I don't tell you guys about my dreams as much as you'd like."
 All six eyes blinked at her. "You've had other dreams and not told us?" Warren broke the silence.
  "Maybe. Maybe not." Willow folded her arms. "So... what's everybody doing today?"
 

*******Much later, but a climax********

Willow said nothing but ran as fast as she could. If she didn't make it, he would fall.
 She tried to stop, but couldn't. As Willow slid down the ragged cliff, she grasped at a root sticking out from the rocks.
 "Help!" A weak voice croaked beneath her. Glancing down, she saw him hanging by one arm. His other arm reached up, trying to claw out another handhold.
 "I'm slipping..." His eyes were frantic.
 Willow threw her arm down and caught his wrist, just as he lost his grip. She breathed a sigh of relief.
 "I can't hold on much longer." She clung tighter.
  Her grasp slipped a bit, and his fingers intertwined with her's, as she held on tightly to their lifeline - well, liferoot.
 Then, they were no longer hanging from a root on *Quarzite.

 

Dun dun dun!

 

*Quarzite: Planet in Star Wars, featured in the Clone Wars Episode called Bounty.

 

 

P.S. I cross my heart that I will finish Once a Pirate, Always a Pirate. I have not quite come up with the ending, so it may be a little while.

Once a Pirate, Always a Pirate: Part Six {by Willow}

 Written by Willow and Assisted by Darrion

 Jack placed the compass into Darren's hand.
 "Here you go, mate. Now, try to want to find the stoney treasure as much as you can."
 Darren squeezed his eyes shut, and the compass' needle spun crazily. It came suddenly to a stop, pointing due East.
 "Sparrow! Darren! Wills!" D cried, thundering down the creaky wooden stairs. "Teeza's ship! It's close! I can see it through the fog!"
 "Oh no." I shoved her aside as I raced to the deck.
 In the distance, I could barely see a tiny three inch by five inch ship bobbing in the waves.
 "Yep, it's there all right." I called down the steps as I pattered down them once more. "Coming from the East too."
 Jack glanced at the compass, then snatched it up and handed it to D. "Why don't you try, lass?" He suggested.
 D smiled smugly as the needle spun. And spun. And spun. And spun.
 Jack plucked up the compass and cleared his throat. "Ahem, well. Maybe you should try?" He held it out to me.
 I shrugged. "Sure."
 Taking it, I stared intently at the little needle. It spun for only about a minute, then stopped.
 Darren leaned over my shoulder. "It's pointing North East." He reported.
 "Lovely, now let's head for that stoney treasure!" Jack smiled cheerily as he headed for the wheel.

"Lovely?" I grumbled. We had been sailing through a rough storm

for about a day. I was wet, cold, and hungry.

  All we had on board was some really nasty beef jerky type stuff, and some gross molding biscuits. I {of course} refused to eat any of the biscuits, and took one whiff of the meat and refused to eat that, too.
 So here I was. Sitting in the Crow's Nest. Freezing cold {probably getting hypothermia}, starving, looking for land.
 A pirate's life for me.
 I was just dreaming of some hot apple cider and pumpkin pie, when Jack yelled at me to switch with Darrion.
 D appeared from below decks, quite displeased with having to sit up in the Crow's Nest in the poring rain. I could hear her muttering to herself that this must be against the law somewhere or something.
 She sent a brown-eyed glare my way as she hoisted herself up the rope ladder, as if I was responsible for her 'torture'. I shrugged.
 Now that I was safely of some kind of solid-ish ground, I needed to calm down.
  Breathe. Breathe. Move your arms... I smoothly began a fighting/exercise routine that was designed to calm you down. It mostly involved dance-like moves and ninja-like flips.
 Okay, you need to flip here.... I arched my arms and pushed off the splintery deck, flipping my body into the air.
  Thunk. The ship hit something hard and stopped with a jerk. I, of course, was still in the air.
 "Oof!" I connected hard with the door of the Captain's Cabin. Rubbing my head, I sat up.
 "We've struck land!" Jack crowed cheerily, trotting down the stairs and past me without giving me so much as a backward glance. I curled my lip. Men.
 "Land?" Both D and Darren each stuck a head out of the below-decks door {D had obviously shirked on the Crow's Nest}.
 "Is the ship alright?" D scrambled past me and inspected the bow with an intense eye. "I heard a big thunk." Darren followed. "We could have ripped the hull apart!"
 I winced, rubbed my head again and stood up, placing both hands on my hips. "I'm okay too, thanks for asking." I rolled my eyes.
 Both Ds looked up vaguely, question marks on their faces.
 "Never mind. Where did we land, anyway?" I asked.
 Jack waved from the rock that he was perched on. "Over here! I found the island! Let us be off!" He waved a be-ringed hand. "Come along now, savvy's. We have a treasure to find!"
To be continued...

 

Also, here are some 'piratey' pictures for you {from Pinterest} 

 

{This is from the first movie-but works for the 4th part of this story:)}

 

{Cool, huh?}

 

    

{An intimidating bridge, to say the least}

 

 

{Pretty cool, am I right?}

{PS, I'm very sorry for taking soooo long-but I was super busy and didn't have a lot of time to do this story, but you can expect the next part pretty soon, I think!}

Hi, guys!

Hey, guys!

You guys probably know that I was gone and so I missed my turn. I don't think I'm the only one who's confused. OK, so if you think you know what order this is going in (i.e. whose turn is next) then please comment, because I have no idea. I think the schedule might've gotten mixed up (??). I'd really appreciated it if you'd help me out here!! I don't want to skip anybody or anything.
Just something: If you want another page added (and you're an author), please tell me and I'll work on that.
Just another something: other authors, do you like to see the stats (pageviews) of our blog?
Another: would you like other polls put up about you?
Bye!

I'm back! Yep. ;)

Hi, guys!! This is Storyteller.


I'm back from my holiday/vacation/trip/awesome time!!!! Just to let you guys know. Great stories! Bye!!!


~Storyteller