Showing posts with label please give feedback. Show all posts
Showing posts with label please give feedback. Show all posts

Saturday, January 18, 2014

Requesting Critiquing.

So, I wrote a short story called "The Unhappy Bush" a couple of weeks ago. People have told me they liked it, but I would like some critiquing from you guys:)
That, and I figured that it wouldn't hurt to post for once! I haven't been on here other than to read all of your stories because it's been a while since I've worked on any of my other story additions. *sad face*
I hope that this blog can start back up after a while, if you all aren't too busy! I miss you guys lately and all of your wonderful ideas:)

Maddie

(And finally the story.)

The Unhappy Bush

There once was an unhappy bush, a little brown and thorny bush, resting in a sleepy garden, subdued by the falling snow. Two people came walking around and looked at the bush.
“That’s an ugly little bush.” Said the first person,
“It’s very ugly.” Agreed the second person and they both went on their way. The little brown bush heard this and started to weep. The wind heard the bush crying and blew over to it.
“Why do you cry, little bush?” the wind asked, rustling its little brown leaves gently.
“The people said I was ugly and it hurt my feelings because I know it’s true. I’m little and brown and ugly.” The little bush sobbed.
“You are not ugly, just young and cold. Just be patient and you will grow taller and you’re cold leaves with turn green. When this happens, I will come back and dance.” The wind said in a comforting voice and then blew away.
The little bush was thankful to the wind for being so nice and he believed what the wind said, so the bush waited.
The snow stopped falling and melted away; Spring was here! And just like the wind had said, the little brown bush grew taller and greener. And the wind came back and danced in the tall green bushes leaves.
The bush was happy and smiled all day and even at night while it slept.
One day, a child was playing by the garden when he noticed the beautiful green, tall bush.
“May I take a branch of your green leaves, beautiful bush?” Asked the child.
The bush was so happy at being called beautiful, that it told the child to take its most beautiful, green branch; the branch that held its biggest, prettiest leaves. But when the child grasped the branch, he cried out in pain. When the child pulled his hand away, a big drop of red blood slid down his hand.
“You tricked me!” The child cried, “Your branches are covered with thorns!” And the child ran away, holding his hand and tears falling down his face.
The grass outside the garden despised the bush.
“You tricked the child and poked him!” “What good are you if all you have are thorns?” “Nobody will like you know.”
And the bush began to weep again. “Now my beautiful leaves no longer matter because of my thorns.” it mourned.
Now the sun heard the bush weeping and he sent down warm, comforting rays of light.
“Do not cry, green bush. You didn’t mean to hurt the child.” He said.
“But I did hurt him and now no one loves me. I only wanted to share my leaves because he was so kind to call me beautiful.” The bush lamented.
“The child didn’t know about the thorns and in your moment of happiness you forgot to warn him. It was an accident.” He consoled the bush. “Go now and explain what happened. It wasn’t right of the grass to blame you.”
So the green bush did and the grass listened to it then apologized for accusing the bush of hurting the child.
As spring wore on, the flowers in the garden grew their petals. They flaunted their colors and celebrated. The tall green bush celebrated with them.
The green bush smiled and sang and the wind sent its beautiful leaves dancing.
But then a flower asked, “Where are your petals, bush? The spring is almost done.” And all the other flowers heard the question and they all asked the bush the same question.
“I don’t know!” The bush exclaimed. “I thought I was just a bush.”
And the sun was hidden by grey rain clouds.
The flowers left the bush and went to play. So the bush looked up at the clouds and grew sad. Then the rain started to fall and the bush grew sadder.
“Don’t be sad, green bush, sleep.” The rain whispered. “Tomorrow you will be even more beautiful.”
So the bush slept and the next day when it woke up, it was surrounded by smiling and surprised faces.
“What’s the matter?” The bush asked.
“You have flowers!” the rest of the garden squealed with delight. “You are a rose bush!”
And the wind came and danced and danced and wafted the sweet fragrance of the bush’s roses for all to smell. The beautiful rosebush outlasted the other flowers. The two people came back and said the bush was beautiful. The child came back and all was forgiven when he found the red flowers peeping out of the green leaves.

And the tall, beautiful, green rosebush – which used to be little, ugly and brown, lived happily ever after.

Friday, November 30, 2012

warrior princess is back!

Hey everyone! I finally got a little more written on Warrior Princess!



Chapter 5


                Lendra’s black hair swished as she sat on the floor, watching Neece pack things for their trip. She couldn’t see the reason for half the things they were packing. Cloaks, yes; food, yes; but why was Neece packing those strange bags that were as long as a man was tall? “Are you done yet, Neece?” she asked impatiently.

                Neece smiled. “Almost. I just need to gather the maps, and then we will be on our way.”

                Lendra sat up straighter. “Where are the maps? I could get them.”

                “They’re just over there in the top drawer. Make sure you get all the ones of Southern Adainia and the Crawdon Mountains.” Neece nodded her head toward the chest with the two drawers in it.

                Shuffling through all the maps in the drawer, Lendra caught sight of a stack of Southern Adainia maps. She took them out and looked them over to make sure. A large range of mountains depicted on the map caught her eye. “Are these  the Crawdon Mountains?” she asked Neece, showing her. “They’re huge!”

                Neece nodded gravely. “Yes, those are the Crawdon Mountains. It is only possible to cross them at certain places. One of them is fairly close to Castle Syntafa. We will attempt to go that way.”

                Frowning, Lendra thought about that. “Attempt to go that way? Why just attempt? Why couldn’t we just do it?”

                “There are…dangers,” Neece admitted. “Wolves are rumored to live in that pass. But it’s only legend. We should be able to do it just fine.”

                Unconvinced, Lendra nodded. “Alright. If you say so.”

                Neece gave a small, quiet, laugh. “Lendra, you don’t need to worry. The King will be with us.”

                Lendra nodded once again, this time feeling a little better.

Tuesday, November 13, 2012

Would You Rather: Pirates or Bad Dreams: by Willow

Bonjour!
 Willow is logging back on again! {I'm sorry it took me so long, but I'm still here}
 I'm wondering if you want me to continue my A Pirate's Life for Me series {read the P.S. at the bottom of this post}, or give you a preview of my new story blog's stories, with a story from The Labyrinth series called Bad Dreams? It contains many of the same characters form A Pirate's Life, but in a different setting, and 2 years younger, minus the pirates {pirates eventually come back in The Curse of North, another pirate story in progress}.

 Anyhow, here's a preview of Bad Dreams;



"
Hehheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheheh.... Remember, there can only be two, and..."

 Willow stared dramatically into the distance-well, over near that clock there-and held her gaze steady. Several seconds past.
 "And...?" D asked impatiently. "And what?" She tucked a lock of short dark hair behind an ear impatiently.
 "And...," she shrugged, "That was it." Three pairs of eyes, four grey, two brown, bulged at her.
 "That's it? That ended it?" Darren leaned forward with interest.
 "Sorry, but yeah. That's it."
 Warren fiddled with his fingers while D chewed a nail, and Darren drummed his fingers on the table.
 "So this was only one part, right?" D asked finally.
 "I think so." Willow shrugged. "I dunno."
 "Sooo.... you think that there might be more?" Warren wondered aloud.
 "Maybe."
 "There could be more then. Something significant." D started on the next nail.
 "I suppose."
 "What do you mean, 'you suppose'?"
 "I suppose. I meant what I said." Willow shrugged again.
 "This is important, you know. This could be the end of the world for all we know. It could be anything."
 "Uh huh. Like the end of the world is announced by 'Heheheheheheh, there can only be two, and....'?"
 "Shush up, Darren!" D narrowed her eyes at him.
 "Guys, don't fight." Willow sighed. This was why she didn't bring her dreams up a lot.
 "Willow's right, we're not gonna get anywhere with fighting." Warren interrupted.
 "Oh, so now you're just mister peace and love now, aren't you?" D folded her arms.
 "Guys." Willow held up a hand. "Please. Stop fighting. And you wonder why I don't tell you guys about my dreams as much as you'd like."
 All six eyes blinked at her. "You've had other dreams and not told us?" Warren broke the silence.
  "Maybe. Maybe not." Willow folded her arms. "So... what's everybody doing today?"
 
*******Much later, but a climax********

Willow said nothing but ran as fast as she could. If she didn't make it, he would fall.

 She tried to stop, but couldn't. As Willow slid down the ragged cliff, she grasped at a root sticking out from the rocks.
 "Help!" A weak voice croaked beneath her. Glancing down, she saw him hanging by one arm. His other arm reached up, trying to claw out another handhold.
 "I'm slipping..." His eyes were frantic.
 Willow threw her arm down and caught his wrist, just as he lost his grip. She breathed a sigh of relief.
 "I can't hold on much longer." She clung tighter.
  Her grasp slipped a bit, and his fingers intertwined with her's, as she held on tightly to their lifeline - well, liferoot.
 Then, they were no longer hanging from a root on *Quarzite.
 
Dun dun dun!
 
*Quarzite: Planet in Star Wars, featured in the Clone Wars Episode called Bounty.
 
 
P.S. I cross my heart that I will finish Once a Pirate, Always a Pirate. I have not quite come up with the ending, so it may be a little while.

Thursday, August 30, 2012

Please stop adding use-less labels... JK! OK, who put that up there? haha =D

Hey, guys!

Yes, this is Storyteller again.

I wrote more on my story yesterday, so I decided I might as well post it. Willow, Hadassah, Madeline--great stories, guys!! (the rest of you guys have awesome stories, too, I was just mention those because they just recently posted) =D

OK, story time!

~Storyteller


Old Man to the Rescue!



“Guys!” yelled Sam. “Over here!”
       The dark brown haired boy jogged up. “What is it? Did you see them?”
       Sam’s eyes narrowed. “I can smell it.”
       “Smell what?” snorted the surfer dude.
       “Fear.”
        I nearly gulped but stopped myself—I couldn’t make any noise. Logan seemed petrified beside me. I had to think of something, and I had to think of something really fast.
         “They’re close,” continued Sam.
         I tried to recall some defense moves that Dad had taught me, and the limited karate that Mom had taught me, but couldn’t think of either. This wasn’t going to be good.
       Think, Jessie—think!
        “Come on,” urged Sam. “Let’s split up and find them. They can’t be far. Whoever finds them alerts the others and we’ll take them on together. Hunter, go towards the right. Calvin—you can take the left. OK, let’s split!” the boys took off running.
      “Let’s go, let’s go,” I urged, tugging on Logan’s arm.
       As far as I could see, the boys had left to go investigate other corners of the school and we needed to get out of there. The Zodiac Public Park across the way from the school seemed like the perfect choice. There was plenty of places to hide there.
     “No!” hissed Logan.
     “Ah-ha!” shrieked Sam, grabbing Logan’s arm.
      “Hiya!” I yelled, suddenly remembering one of Mom’s karate kicks and kicking him right in the stomach.
        He groaned and crumpled. I grabbed Logan’s arm and sped off towards the park. Logan was shrieking and whooping at the same time. I was just trying to focus on not falling and getting captured.
      “Come back!” yelled one of Sam’s goons from Sam’s side. “Come back and face us like men!”
      “She’s a girl!” Logan shouted over his shoulder. “And I’m a boy! Sorry, losers!” he chuckled. Not a good idea, Logan.
       “That’s it!” shouted the surfer dude.
        The ground literally pounded as they zoomed off after us. It was scary how fast they were. I knew I could go faster, but Logan was trailing behind.
        “Keep up, Logan!” I hissed. “They’re going to catch us! Hurry! This isn’t a game, this is life-or-get-beaten-up!”
          “I’m trying!” cried Logan.
          I pulled him behind a tree as Brownie—what I’d decided to call the brown-haired boy—tried a swipe at him. I rushed us underneath the side just before Surfer—the surfer dude—jumped on Logan.
         “I’m going to die!” shrieked Logan.
       “Hush up and run!” I commanded.
        I lost them behind in the maze of bushes and pulled Logan to a stop behind one of the trees, scrabbling for the branches and pulling myself up. Logan followed, panting heavily.
      “Quiet,” I warned. “They’re still close by.”
       We waited silently. I could hear Brownie and Surfer looking frantically for us through the maze of bushes and trees that went throughout the park.
       “They’re not here,” Surfer came up with.
       Brownie grunted. “Come on. We’ve got to report back to Sam.” As if we were in some kind of magic movie and we were like orcs and they were tracking us. Thanks, Aragorn and Legolas.
       That’s when it struck me—Sam—Samwise Gamgee. Brownie has brown hair like Aragorn. And Surfer has blonde hair like Legolas. Man, this really does make me feel like an orc!
     
 “Come on,” urged Logan in a whisper. “I think it’s safe. Your Mom’s probably in the parking lot by now.”
        I didn’t want to get out of the safety of the tall tree, but Logan had already jumped from the branches. I sighed and jumped off, too, landing shakily on my feet.
      “Come on,” urged Logan.
      “Gotcha!” cried Aragorn. (Hey, I couldn’t help but think of him as him.)
      “Quick!” Logan yelled. “Jessie! Do your hiya thing again!”
       “Not so quickly,” snorted Legolas, grabbing me. “You guys can’t escape about the stunt you pulled!”
       “I didn’t do anything!” tried Logan. Thanks, Logan. We’re real best friends. Not.
      “You’re her friend. It’s your fault.” Aragorn yanked his head towards the waiting Sam by the school. “Come on. Let’s go.”
      That’s when the weirdest thing happened.
      There wasn’t any time to think about what happened. It was so sudden. An old man just stepped out from behind one of the trees and hit both of them. They dropped without a sound.
     “Quickly,” he whispered. “Follow me.”
      He took off military style through the trees, going on his stomach and army crawling all the way towards where a beat up old Ford truck was sitting, rust taking over the blue coloring.
     “Where are you going to take us?” Logan asked nervously. Then he frowned. “Hey, you’re that guy who runs the Sinclair in Rain Heights. Jake, right?”
     “Not now, Logan,” whispered Jake. “Kids, meet Harry Ford. Hop in—this is going to be a ride to remember.”

Thursday, August 23, 2012

Wiki Pages // New Header

Hey y'all!
I had the change the header, because I felt mean leaving Hadassah's name as 'Unknown'. :) How do you like it? Due to issues I had to change some things.

Also, Storyteller and I have come up with a marvelous idea!
WIKI PAGES!
Their like our own wikipedia pages. I made mine above when I changed the header, so you can view it above for example. Basically you put a few pictures of yourself up {or something else if you aren't allowed}, and some info about you, and perhaps some blogs for readers to follow! Storyteller will have to make you an admin, and there are some certain rules you need to follow:

No going on the settings page. They have all of the authors' emails up there, which you CANNOT give out. Storyteller will make you back to a normal author.
Just because we want nice followers on this blog, you probably shouldn't post bad words or bad pictures of yourself {in-a-pro-pro pictures, I mean} on your wiki page. We don't want some weird creepy {fat, middle-aged} men stalking us. This is for the sake of us all!
Don't abuse  your admin power, such as no editing other's words/works of art! I'm pretty sure that could get you kicked {we'd miss your wonderful stories!}. :( 

If there is anything else, Storyteller will probably tell you when she/he {?} adds you.
P.S. Storyteller, if you want me to take any of the rules off or change something, please tell me! Even though we all write on here, it's really your blog! {or feel free to change my words :)}

Saturday, August 18, 2012

Calendar

Hey, guys!!

Since we kind of got off schedule, I'm just going to say that it's Hadassah's turn to write today!! If you have no idea what's going on as an author, please go down to the calendar at the bottom of the page, where I've placed what days you're supposed to put your story on. I know there's more than seven authors, so this technically won't be "even", but I'm working that out. Every month I'll be putting out a new calendar. Thanks for working with me!!

(apparently this signature's winning...... ;) If you totally hate this signature and you're horrified that your admin is having this signature, please click here to vote for a different signature!! Thanks, I really appreciate it!!). 

Monday, August 6, 2012

Template?

Short question: do you guys like the template? This goes to the authors and the readers.


If you are an author, please tell me what you'd like and I'll see what I can do (and I'll possibly make you an admin for a day haha). ;)


If you're a reader, please tell me your preferences and I'll get back to you after asking the rest of The Story Club.

Bye!



All photos via pinterest or google images (including used for designing & favicon) unless otherwise stated.